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i really really dislike you.

Friday, November 16, 2012

As many of you may know, my main focus in life is to become a writer. I'm about 2 semesters away from graduating with my bachelor's degree in professional writing with a focus on journalism. Photography is just a little hobby of mine and I never intend on making it my full time career (unless I get to write and take pictures, which would be perfection). Anyways, Writing is my BABY! I write every single night in my journal and I cannot tell you how much I NEED to write. I wanted to share a little bit of the inner workings of me tonight in hopes that I could maybe help someone out who is going through something similar.

So, have you ever had a hate crush on someone? Like, where you dislike someone so much that every single thing that they do becomes offensive to you, so much so that it becomes an obsession? C'mon people, you know what I'm talking about. You can't stop talking about them to other people, either. Kinda like how Cady obsessed over Regina George in Mean Girls. Yeah. Well. This recently happened to me in a huge capacity. I was hurt by someone and I just couldn't get over it. I would check up on their Facebook page constantly. Get mad at every status update, laugh at all of their pictures, and then go about my day. (God help me!) It became a sad, sad routine and an addiction.

A few weeks ago my little sister got into a predicament at school with one of the girls. Just your regular old high school drama, right? Trying to help her out I sat down next to her and listened to what had happened. I told her stuff like, "Just forget about it. Stop obsessing. Stop thinking about it." 

Woah there. How could I rightfully tell my sister 15 year old sister to do the things that I, at 21 couldn't even do? How was I to break free from this hate crush? How could I ever settle this extreme forgiveness and unrest in my soul?! I really felt like I was 15 again trying to get over the b!@ch who stole my man.

First things first, I hid the person from my news feed and I forced myself to not look at their page. It feels so stupid as I write this, but it was actually hard. I had to stop obsessing. Then I sat down with my journal and wrote a final letter to this person (that they will never see, of course). I wrote down exactly why I disliked them so much. I wrote down why they hurt me so much. I even allowed myself to shed a few more tears over it. 

Then I tore the page out of my journal and tossed it in the trash...

I haven't looked back since. 

 Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you. 
-Ephesians 4:31-32 (The Message)

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