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Archive for June 2012

sweet summertime

Friday, June 29, 2012

In an effort to discover what it really is that I want to accomplish with this hobby of mine, I've been taking a very limited number of photo sessions per month. It feels weird to turn people down, especially when I really could use the money. But the thing is, when I'm shooting exactly what I want to be shooting my heart is in it more, and I can really see the difference in the end result. Not to mention I have so much more fun during the whole process. I knew exactly the type of images I wanted to create for this session, and I couldn't be happier with the results. It's also a little bonus when you get to work with a family as gorgeous as this one! 

waist-ing time

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I have a love/hate relationship with my body. Food, calories, weight, and size are all things that I think about on a daily basis. It is something that I am constantly working on. Honestly, it's exhausting. I'm on the shorter side measuring up at only five foot three inches, which is no big deal, really. But I'm not a small girl. I'm a 32DDD, 30" waist & 40" hips.  Today I'm blogging about it because I can't get over how big my ass looks in my birthday photos. I even had to ask my boyfriend Julian "Do I really look like that?!" He just smiles and says yes, of course, but seriously?! Ugh. And to top it all off I had to spend $100 on a bikini in my size. Not to mention about 5-8 hours of trying on about 1,000 different ones. This world isn't made for people like me, and it kinda makes me sad. It's like a support system when you find someone else who has the same problems. Like big boobs anonymous or something. "Hi, my name is Jillian and I spent my entire paycheck on one bra."

Why can't I just be me? Why can't I just look at myself and be like - Ok, this is what I'm supposed to look like. When I tell you it's a constant battle, I mean it. I can't remember the last time I was happy with my appearance. There's always something that could be better. I'm letting this all out today because it's something I want to let go. When I was in the 3rd grade our teacher had us write a journal entry everyday. We would have to write for 10 minutes about anything, and we weren't allowed to stop writing. If we couldn't think of anything to write about - we literally had to write the word "think". Ever since then, I have been a journal-er. I force myself to write everyday even if it's only a sentence. Sometimes even writing down a word helps me to feel better. Finally letting out how I feel about being fat really isn't easy for me. What will I waste my time thinking about if it's not my weight? I have no clue. 

If there is anything that I have learned in life so far it is that it moves way too quickly. Life is too short for me to be constantly consumed by counting calories and sucking in my stomach. I'm not saying to let yourself go, either. Eat salad, but eat ice cream sometimes, too. Work out, but spend a day or two in front of the TV also. Lets just take this one day at a time people. Just for today, be happy with who you are. Worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Here's to forgetting what were supposed to look like. Here's to loving ourselves no matter what. You are f!@#ing beautiful.


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I was inspired by Katelyn James' blog post to start to blog everyday. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what to write about everyday that you guys would actually enjoy reading. Every Wednesday Katelyn writes a blog post called Wedding Wednesdays (she's a wedding photographer). Since I'm kind of a free spirit and I what "I am" doesn't necessarily fit into one category- I figured why not write every Monday about one of my many favorite things in this world, MAKE-UP. 

I'm gonna keep it pretty simple today & talk about a new found love of mine. Clinique. I have terribly sensitive skin. Super dry, too. My skin is really temperamental when it comes to products that I put on it so I began to do a little research. When I found out how intense Clinique is about allergy testing all of their products, I knew I needed to check them out. I made a trip to Macy's and told the consultant that I was looking for the perfect foundation for an even skin tone that won't look too cake-y. Keep in mind that I FEROCIOUSLY judge products by their packaging. I mean, who doesn't!? I love cute and colorful compacts, and lets be real, Clinique doesn't really market their products on how they look. I took a chance, deviated from the norm and purchased three products.

1.) Perfectly Real Compact Makeup - Literally the BEST face powder that I have ever tried (and I've tried them all) It really evens out your skin tone and appears perfectly natural in every light.

2.) Perfectly Real Makeup | Liquid Foundation - I don't wear liquid foundation everyday, but if I did this would easily be the one. Again, it's very natural with just the right amount of coverage. It's also non-greasy & unscented. A little bit goes a long way!

3.) Line Smoothing Concealer - OK! I would marry this little tube of concealer if I could. I have dark circles under my eyes that I can never seem to coverup. This stuff works and it lasts ALL DAY. Even in the hot sun.

Bottom line, I'm so impressed with Clinique's makeup. The more I use these products the more even-toned and smooth  my skin gets. I highly recommend checking these products out!

** DISCLAIMER: I am in no way affiliated with Clinique or Macy's**

the biology of my family

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I have never really been a big party person. I'm a huge introvert. I'd rather be on the sidelines observing than be celebrated or be the center of attention. I didn't want a 21st birthday party, but my mom figured out a way to sneak it in there. We would have a father's day party - and a birthday cake for me and my 93-year-old grandfather. No big deal, right? Wrong. If you're part of an Italian family, you know the deal. Cooking, cleaning, and preparing goes on for weeks. Even if it's just a little yard party. Everything has to be perfect. It just goes to show how much love I am surrounded by. A lot of times I don't really even think about it, because it's something that has always been there in my life. As I get older I realize why my mom, aunts, uncles, and grandparents have worked so hard to prepare for birthday parties and special occasions. It's not to show off their beautiful houses or great cooking skills, but to make everyone feel at home, comfortable, appreciated, and most importantly - loved. Everything has to be fit for kings and queens, because to my mother, that's what her family is. If there is one feeling in this entire world that I have never felt - it is unloved, and that really says a lot. 

Turning 21 is kind of surreal to me, because it's obviously something that I've anticipated my whole life. It's another huge step towards adulthood, and maybe I'm not ready for that. Time just keeps ticking away.. and maybe I'm not ready to realize that either. In biology we're learning about how all plants show a quality called phototropism- which means they are always drawn to the natural light no matter what. They can even turn towards wherever the sun is coming from.  As a photographer- the light is my paintbrush. I am constantly inspired by the way the light falls on the pavement or shines through the trees. I can't get over the way the sunshine turns yellow around dusk and slowly fades into the night. Then it really got me thinking. Don't we all show phototropism? Wherever the light comes from in our lives, we always find some way to turn to it. 

I didn't take these (obviously) but here's a few more from my party! Love you all! Xoxox.

a small spring wedding

Monday, June 11, 2012

Meet Spenser & Tamara! I've known Spenser and his family since high school - Spenser & I even dated for like 2 days (am I allowed to say that?!) Haha! But yeah, they are all really great people and I was so happy to be a part of this day! It was a really small ceremony at city hall followed by a celebration at the Cortese's house on a beautiful Thursday afternoon. Aren't they so cute together!!!? Best of luck to these two lovebirds on their journey to forever. Xoxoxo!